angelic.Devil

Back To Basic

It’s not every night you get to find me could not go to bed. Yes, I sleep early when I’m tired. But it’s already 3 in the morning. Another hour, I’d be playing Gwen’s 4 in the morning song. Okay kidding.

I can’t even read my online notes. My mind dah terbang.

I was driving home the other day, in my mother’s ride, that made me totally feel like a soccer mom. Kidding. My sis was doing all the driving and I was doing all the cursing. LOL!

The policeman was waving his arms like weed, signaling cars and trucks and motorcycles and buses to make their way. What a sight.

We have traffic lights to indicate our movements.

But yet, we get back to the root. The policeman. Mankind at its best.

We have situations in life to indicate our life paths.

But yet, we get back to our molding ground. Think about what the pasts have taught you. We get back to the old days. The good old days. The bad ones even, they turn into good.

Changes.

Even the technological changes. Like the stupid traffic light that gives a major headache when you drive home during rush hours bring us back to the root, the policeman that waves his arms like weed.

So, where you’re standing right now, I guess no matter how you do not want to look behind, I guess it would still be in you.

“Don’t start telling someone something. Because when you do, you’d miss everybody.”

Over-rated

Seriously, somebody has to shoot me.

I have been wanting to write a frigging post on the matter love, since like, ages ago. Okay maybe not, last month. And April is going to end soon. Stupid mood!

Anyway, all I’ve been wanting to say is that, the word love is getting over-rated by the second. Seriously!

EVERYDAY conversations revolve around it, sometimes I think infatuation is love and love is infatuation. And so they say, love always win. And I guess, that is why people are dwelling upon the subject for this season.

My point here is, social science is sick. How can they make a theory out of a SACRED matter?

Fine. But I’ve to admit, it is kind of genius of them.

Thing is, I thought it was suppose to be all sugar – utopia, bliss, joy what not. Fine, it’s such an IDEALISTIC imagination. Who cares? A girl can dream can she? Then again, it is so fake.

They say, signals of attraction:
Physical proximity
Appearance
Similarity
Acceptance.

And how to fall in love:
Exposure
Love object
A state of arousal.

If someone cukup syarat, hence they are in love.

How far true is this?

You see, you watch movies yes, they infatuate, confess, smooch, and get to bed. And that’s it. Then, the next thing you know, another love object appears, and the list goes on. It seems so easy to fall in love isn’t it? Well, that would be the passionate love. The one that only has the passion and intimacy component.

Companionate love: Commitments and Intimacy. Sort of like deep friendship, if you ask me.

Here comes the tricky part, consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment.

We’re not talking about being only loyal. Its such a general word. We’re talking about, making decisions together. Being committed to your exact words, (and I can’t think of anything else) etc.
Being committed to each others lives – dreams, whatever.

But tell me, if its only Intimacy+Passion, how could it be call LOVE. I mean, well I see it as infatuation. You can’t just jump into bed with someone just after knowing them for what, few days? It is so infatuation, okay, I mean, its almost like I’m reading Romeo and Juliet again. How can winds change so fast?

Consummate love? You tell me dear, were all the commitments real? Were all of them fulfilled? Maybe I might sound a little bit selfish. And now, “What did I do?” You should know better. But you know, like I said, or the movie did, or perhaps the song did, love means letting go.

Passionate love? Can one be in a passionate love so fast?

Maybe, I’m just going round the bush again. It does not take science to figure all these things, does it? It does not take rationale either.

Follow your heart, leave the head alone.

I guess when you’re ready to take that leap, you’d know. And when you fall, well, you could always stand again.

Bed & Music

I feel like inhaling packets of nicotine, which would definitely be out of my norm. And would without doubt make me feel sick, and put me right to bed.

But that’s the point. It’ll make me be on the bed. Listen to the music at a very slow volume, as if it signifies sadness.

I feel like throwing pebbles at the cars, with anger rage but really, it’ll not get me anywhere.

I feel like snuggling in my warm blanket when this stupid ceiling fan feels too cold even during the hot summer’s day and there’s nothing like the warmth shared with your trusty pillow.

Don’t as me why, because I can’t find the link. I mean, I’m sure it is it. And I was confident that it is what’s suppose to be. But then, why this?

Must All Hearts Be Broken?

“Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.”

But I wonder if there’s no breaking, then there’s no healing,
and if there’s no healing, then there’s no learning.
And if there’s no learning then there’s no struggle.
But the struggle is a part of life.

So must all hearts be broken?

It Is My Memories to Keep

Ever done something, or maybe even repeatedly do something you know you’re not supposed to do, and then during that particular moment you suddenly start screaming to yourself (In your head I mean, unless you’re crazy person who don’t care or even mind when people are staring at you weirdly), “What the hell am I doing?”. Been there? Done that? Well big high five right here.

I keep doing this particular thing, in fact I just did it again, and every time, I end up contemplating to myself why in the world I even do it. Thinking logically, it is so, umm… Well, just plain stupid. But yeah, I do it any way. I tell myself its my way of staying ‘grounded’, so that I don’t really float and forget how to come back down. Yeah, kind of a messed up way of doing it though.

I’ll get back to that some other time.(Probably…. or maybe next time I will try to ‘ground’ myself.)

I was looking through my old posts and I realized that I never really say everything in my entries. There are all mostly vague, or just generally explained. Nothings said 100% like it should actually mean. I write about it, but then I don’t really write about it. Subconsciously, maybe I’m still watching my words as to not say something I might later regret. You never really know who might be reading your blog. Or maybe it is just the fact that I just don’t like letting it all out. And doesn’t it kinda ruin the fun of reading if I tell you every single little thing? I’ll vaguely state something, then I’ll leave it up to you readers to explore your imagination and interpret it yourselves. Plus, I think I like the satisfaction of knowing that the memories are still mine, and not shared with the whole cyber world. It is my memories to keep after all.