@#%$*^&
People come and go as they say. You try to make amends, meet up for a little chat with a cup of coffee or what not. But like I said and predicted and figured, it would never be the same. Maybe it’s the forces of nature, the gravity and the order of things. And God, you need to help me.
Changes change people, change the order of life, change the mind.. and the list goes on. Basically, you’re a different person. Even it means it has only been a year.
I chatted with an old friend today after a year of distance and failed attempts of meeting up. Thats because I kept bailing out because I know it would just make me feel miserable and, MY GOD HELL YES I WAS. But you know, you swallow. Well, so I did, I swallowed.
As much as I tried to swallow, but you know, you can’t just swallow up that much. It eats myself up. No worse, it eats my fucking self-concept and my fucking social identity up. I wake up every morning wishing I would never have to end up with this little world of theirs and hating myself for I have ate my self.
You see, I’m not whining because of how and who they are. I couldn’t care less for all I care because its just how the world works, there are cliques. Its what they’re doing to my Self. I’m sorry but I put great importance on the Self. Its fucking sacred. Fuck yes. And my god I’m cursing.
I’m miserable.
You can have your short term goals like graduating your tertiary studies and your long term goals like getting married at some fancy hotel. But your life goal? No its much more than your short and long term goals. It’s to Complete your Self like that missing piece of your life puzzle and mind you, it’s not your average “You complete me” towards your partner kinda thing.
So hooray, Lyana ate herself up on the inside with the presence of these certain persons. Really amazing that you have developed your Self and Identity to the point where those people you just stumbled upon years back are the very people you want to avoid for they have found their selves which clearly contradict to your Self. So run along. I may sound selfish, but hey, you made me eat myself up from the inside.
Time alone, all I need is time alone for obvious reasons.





















